And here we go again! Yes, welcome to the second installment of things to do before you’re thirty, my new series of exciting, dangerous, but fulfilling stunts to perform before you become old and decrepid. Or hit thirty. However you’d like to describe it…
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Popularity: 9% [?]
“Why would I want to watch football? If I wanted to see incoherent prima-donnas sweating in full public view, I would simply watch Rob Reiner’s latest anti-smoking speech. Get a life, you pathetic mound of anal discharge.” If you have ever spoken to somebody with an apparent disdain for the footballing world, chances are that you have heard at least a variant of these words in justification for their intense dislike for the sport. In total fairness, freedom of opinion should be valued in modern society. Anyone can have the free and equal right to like and dislike whatever they see fit. Such political leeway comes under question, however, every couple of years. Every two years, the summer is the time of mindless flag-waving and the influx of blind patriotism in everyday British life. The Union Jack stands tall and proud, everyone suddenly feels the need to learn the words of the national anthem and minorities are callously beaten up on street corners (they do say that every cloud has a silver lining). The perpetrator? Football, of course.
Apparently, the same men, women and children who enjoy venting their adverse feelings towards the football culture are the first to jump on the unsteady England bandwagon when the World Cup or European Football Championship is taking place. While anti-sporting folk with the slightest inkling of common sense continue their regular lifestyles unabated, the same cannot, unfortunately, be said across the board. Thousands upon thousands of individuals emerge from their normal day-to-day schedule of writing epic poetry and snorting cocaine out of a homeless man’s rectal crevice and join in with the patriotic jingoism that would not have looked out of place in the heady days of the British Empire. After all, the likes of Beckham, Owen and Rooney have been their idols for years and will finally lead the nation to international glory. “If England don’t win”, such World Cup fans declare, “I’ll just die.” If life was really that simple, the deaths of thousands of adolescent girls might actually alleviate concerns that the average English IQ is at a sub-standard level.
When the long-awaited sporting showpiece finally arrives, the reactions of the public are all too predictable. As the tournament commences, and the England team manages to struggle past mighty nations such as Angola and Tunisia, cries of “Yes! We stuffed ‘em! Come on England!” ring through the streets. Quite what these people actually contributed to the victory remains a mystery. If the “loyal” supporters really did have such a strong impact upon the team’s fortunes, perhaps a more accurate translation of such jubilant sentiments would be “Ha! That’ll teach you to live in a Third World Country! White power!” On the off-chance that England might be pulverised by a developed Western country, however, the situation is somewhat different. A leisurely bout of good, old-fashioned rioting is followed by disgruntled supporters murmuring that they knew England would never win, or that this year’s scapegoat should be chemically castrated for having the audacity to have his penalty saved by the opposing goalkeeper. And so the circle begins again.
The bandwagon phenomenum is not, however, restricted to football. For two weeks every year, the general public remembers that a sport known as tennis exists, conveniently in time to indulge in some hard-hitting action at Wimbledon. Nobody has experienced the public fervour, that transforms dramatically into hatred and resentment, than English sport’s favourite son, Tim Henman. With “Tiger Tim” widely expected to announce his professional retirement from the game in the coming week, nothing would give me more pleasure than for him to give his “fans”, as well as the ever-supportive media, a well-earned middle-finger salute. Seducing each and every one of their wives and girlfriends would simply add the finishing touches to Henman’s conquest for revenge against a group of people who have torn away at every last shred of his credibility. Maybe a few chants of “Come on Tim!” at the press conference will be enough to finally make the Tiger snap and devour his oppressors. Come on Tim!
Such analysis of this set of circumstances seen in Britain on such a regular basis begs the question of what can be done in order to restore the long-forgotten sense of national normality. Perhaps the government could urge the public to develop a greater interest in the world of American sports, in which the mid-game fights gather much more prestige than the issue of which team wins. Combat sports, such as boxing and mixed martial arts may also be the answer, as in-ring combatants are known to be completely indifferent to the opinions of their fans. There may be no better option, however, than to bribe the English football team to intentionally fail to qualify for the international tournaments. After all, money and personal gain means significantly more to our sporting icons that honour or sportsmanship ever could. Moreover, if the authorities found out about such developments, the most probable outcome would be that England are prohibited from entering any future competitions for a lengthy period of time. All in all, a win-win situation. And when the faecal matter makes direct contact with the proverbial fan, those who were wise enough to stay out of footballing scene can leave with the delightful sense of self-satisfaction that truly makes our country great.
Popularity: 8% [?]
Okay, time for an update on my XPS M1330 I think. Not that I have anything to tell you, other than it is exactly as it was. Sigh! Yes, that’s correct, over three weeks later and I am still stuck in pre-production, whatever the hell that is. Other than, of course, absolutely no closer to receiving my laptop. I have tried to resolve the issue however, so I’ll fill you in on what happened last week (W/C 13th). On Monday I thought I’d give Dell a call, to see if they could tell me any more. Now, you have to bear in mind I already had a pretty good idea of what was going on, based on a post on this blog, and the barrage of comments.
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Popularity: 8% [?]
Howdy all! This is the first in my new series, of things you really, really must do before you’re thirty. Now I know thirty seems quite young, but after that the younger generation can start calling you old and boring with a little accuracy, so you better get the vast majority of these tasks finished before that point. Otherwise, what the hell will you have done in your life!! Nothing, that’s what!
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Well here we go, an update on the carnage following the great fire. As usual it is complete chaos in the town centre, with cars, lorries, buses and horse drawn carriages (no, really…) being sent down completely ridiculous roads, that probably aren’t upto the job. Hopefully something major goes wrong and a bus topples over or something equally unbelievable - it may give me an excuse not to go to work tomorrow, you never know. As well as the queues of irate drivers, there are hundreds of eager tourists, who, in wanting to make at least something of their holiday, will stand for hours in open-mouthed amazement at the burnt out shell of some crummy old building… Harsh but true I’m afraid.
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Yes, the great fire of ‘07, as it shall be remembered by many, is thoroughly underway as I type this, and fortunately I snapped some pictures. Unfortunately I had to leave because there is much to do tomorrow and it is already two in the morning. But here are some pictures of the carnage, I will upload photographs of the after math tomorrow. Apologies for the short post but seriously, I’m knackered. Standing and watching a fire takes a lot out of you, it really does.
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Popularity: 7% [?]
Yes, there’s a part two of my Currys saga. And it doesn’t get any prettier. If you noticed how I didn’t post in the last couple of days (and you’re a very sad individual for doing so) you may be wondering what on earth I was using my new router for… well, as it happens, not much. Nope, the seemingly high quality Netgear router I purchased for 45GBP was faulty. After two days of constant dropped connections I finally flipped and returned the damn thing for a refund. Fortunately eBuyer were prompt in delivering my new Buffalo router, which has so far been excellent, so fingers crossed it holds out longer than the last.
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Popularity: 9% [?]
Yes, it’s small and shitty, but it still rocks because I get my own house! Well, there are two other people sharing, but at least one of them is cool, don’t know about the other… We may not have met. Hmmmm, oh well, even if they are a complete douche it’s only a year, so I can stick it out. As you can see from the following photos the flat has been thoroughly checked for, umm, faults. I’m still not sure what they were doing, but suffice to say there was creaking and groaning. From both parties…
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And one of urine. No, I’m not joking, during the marathon one hundred shot competition (aka. Centurion) Lenny ended up necking a shot of Jake’s piss.
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Yes, a cryptic title for a PHP orientated post, on none other than VizNau. It is so close to being opened up for private beta testing I can almost smell it, so if you want an account just shout me, and I will be happy to open one for you.
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Popularity: 7% [?]
I am simply astonished at the way I was treated today. There’s no other word for it. Astonished. You would think Currys would employee intelligent people, to sell their high ticket goods to complete Joe Public’s who don’t know what they want, but obviously not. I know this gentleman wasn’t intelligent from two tell tale signs. First off, he spoke to me like this. Secondly, he thought it was acceptable. Oh dear. How wrong he was. Maybe the third reason should be he thought nothing would come of it.
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Found (well, I say found, I had heard of it before, but this was the first time I bothered to check it out) Last.fm today and it seems like a great way of finding new music based on what you already like. Sometimes this is difficult enough, especially when you don’t want to just go ahead and start buying albums willy nilly without trying out some music first, but Last.fm looks like a fantastic way of doing just that (This argument does of course presume that you don’t donwload music illegally. Which I’m sure no one does…)
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Popularity: 7% [?]
Yes, it’s a BMW. Yes, I’m only nineteen. But hey, anyone can do it, just no-one thinks they can… and I love that. You can be driving along when you notice someone looking at you, with that great ‘he sooo stole that’ expression on their face. Best feeling in the world =)
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Popularity: 7% [?]
Woo, got my laptop ordered last week, in preparation for the second year of University… Hopefully Dell’s prediction of a delivery before 6th September is accurate, or I’ll be into the first term before I get a computer. Argh!
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Popularity: 28% [?]
