Things To Do Before You’re Thirty… The Taxi Edition
And here we go again! Yes, welcome to the second installment of things to do before you’re thirty, my new series of exciting, dangerous, but fulfilling stunts to perform before you become old and decrepid. Or hit thirty. However you’d like to describe it…
This issue? Well this week I’m going to discuss some fun (alright, down right cruel) jokes you can play on the great taxi driver’s in your local town. Obviously these would be certainly be better played on the classic New York Yellow Cab, but I’m sure all taxi drivers are pretty much the same, so even if it doesn’t look as good you can still tick them off your list. Also this week I’d just like to mention, if it wasn’t obvious, that should you think of any other ideas then please send them in, via a comment or quick email. I’ll be happy to voice my opinion on them, and credit you with a link back, praise, publicity, some lovin’… whatever you like… within reason of course, I’m not going to pay you or something daft like that!
Hail a taxi, jump in and shout ‘Follow that car!’
This one is a classic seen in many, many movies, both serious and comedic, and simply has to be done. Honestly the sense of self-importance must be hard to match, and to see if the taxi actually takes you up on the idea. Wow, it’s almost too much excitment for one person. Of course there is a downside, the car you start tailing may simply go slowly or even worse, stop. So I propose an update to this idea, involving a much more complicated setup, but one that will ultimately pay off. Firstly, find yourself a friend (no, you haven’t got any) and give them a car. They can use their own if they really want, especially if you don’t trust them with your’s. Then position them suitably, so as to be in place when you jump into the nearby taxi. Now you step out of your friend’s car, and fein a serious bust up, followed by your friend flooring it, and screeching away leaving you at the kerb side. You then have to race over to the taxi and in your best acting voice shout ‘follow that car!!’. You may choose to throw some money at the driver, if he doesn’t take you seriously… careful though, make sure you are fimly in the taxi before throwing your money. He may just drive off.
Take a taxi to a hotel, ask the driver to wait, then never return
Here’s another fun trick, which can prove more interesting if you are actually staying at the hotel in question. Firstly get the driver to stop at your hotel, and say you’re just nipping in to collect something/someone. Only the trick is, you never come back! Really that’s all there is to it… Obviously having a room in the hotel makes it easier to watch the taxi driver in safety and see how long they do actually wait. Maybe enticing them with extra cash is a good option if you’re going for an extreme piss take. They may even come inside looking for you. You could be clever and slip the driver a false name, so when he asks at the desk, and possibly calls ‘your’ room, he gets some complete random who didn’t order any taxis… Hilarity is sure to ensue. Have fun! Oh and be careful, you never know when a taxi driver is going to snap, so ensure you pick a good one who looks kind. Or elderly. That way you can easily overpower them should they decide to park outside indefinitely till you emerge.
Take a taxi cab through a fast food drive-thru
Now I know there are certain times when you must endure actually walking into a fast food restaurant (restaurant really does sound too grand doesn’t it. Maybe ‘eatery’) to order. After all, having to mingle with the scum that use those places is a tough business, who knows when you might crack and go on a murderous rampage (speaking from experience, around about three minutes…) Now I can hear you all shouting at me, ‘well you use the place, does that make you scum?!’. No, don’t be a smart arse, the vast majority of the people who use fast food joints are scum, the minority (i.e. me) are simply enjoying some good, bad-for-you food. Now back to the point, why would you need to walk into the building itself when they have drive-thrus for the very purpose of letting you order and receive food without coming into contact with other ‘users’? Well, for example, you may not be driving that day. Hard to imagine I know, but sometimes I too am without a car. Fortunately, there is never a taxi too far away. So hail that cabbie down, and direct him right on down the miniaturized road system of your local fast food place. Make sure to order from the rear window for optimum order accuracy, but don’t forget to offer the driver something. You never know, he may be a dude and waive the charge if you buy him lunch…
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